As I am typing this, I am literally laying out on the dock of our BFF’s cottage for a few days of R&R. We got back from a paddle in the kayaks and decided to hop in the water for a swim and to soak up some vitamen D – with appropriate sunscreen, of course!
I love this time we have. There’s no cable or wifi, so if we want to log onto social media, we have to use up data – but I’ve told everyone (specifically work) that we will be unavailable – that if they need to get ahold of me, they can try but we’ll be out of service area.
It’s the perfect place to unplug, unwind and relax. It’s a place to reflect and reprioritize my life. I can create art and commune with nature.
Here’s the thing; I’ve been feeling a little lost lately. Our lives have been in a state of upheaval for the last 18-20 months. From hubby joining the military in Dec 2019, to him going to basic from Jan-Mar 2020, to covid, being put in isolation, then coming home until Feb 2021, finally completing (or, should I say, STARTING) his trades training, getting his posting but it taking 6 weeks for him to get a computer. He’s finally getting settled – but now I’m going away for 6 weeks to do more of my training. I’m going through the stressful few weeks (with this holiday between them!) trying to get all the requirements I need to do the training. Plus the past year hasn’t been easy on me – covid fatigue, getting promoted, my new posting to a very busy and stressful position, and having my husband away.
But I’ve been feeling lost. I feel like I need to be doing more with my life but I can’t figure it out.
Last night as I was making dinner, I was looking out the window trying to find the source of some very angry birds. I finally located them in a tree not far from the window. A crow was being harassed by a couple of robins. As I’m fixated on the birds, the crow starts preening and I see a tail fether spiral down from him – I feel like it’s meant for me, so I run out and grab it. Out of curiosity, I look up the symbolism of a black feather, and this is what I find:
Yup. That right there.
And as I started writing this, I realized here, in this moment, I am living my best life; I’ve spent the last could days with no TV, just music, my art, in a beautiful location with sun, water, and the only traffic is the boats on the lake. I’m in a (sort of) bikini not caring one bit about how I look. Actually I am loving how I look – because I’m happy in this place, in this moment.
And I think that’s part of the problem with most people nowadays – it’s “GO! GO! GO!” for days and weeks and months – possibly even years! And there’s no opportunity to decompress. To realign yourself with the direction you want your life to go. When you don’t make time for this, you will lose yourself. You will forget why you’re doing what you’re doing.
I am in the military and, for the most part, I’ve had a very positive experience and more or less like my work and the people I’ve had the opportunity to work with… but that’s not me – or not the me that I want to focus on. Being in the military gives me the opportunity to focus on the areas I want to develop – and luckily, my job is pretty much Monday-Friday, 0700-1500, so there’s plenty of time to focus on those areas that are important.
But sometimes I forget my “why” and this time away is always a good reminder my what and why.
I will be forever grateful for this time away. Even though I’ll be going away for 6 weeks in less than a month, I’m hoping we might be able to come out here again after my training, before I start work again. I’ll probably need the time away to refocus and reconnect again!
Until then, I will continue to enjoy this time.