Live For You

So I’m trying to get in the habit of more writing as it’s an outlet for me to get my thoughts out – especially when there’s something I’m struggling with. Sometimes putting it down on “paper” helps me gain clarity. So I’m going to try to do this more often – and hopefully other people will find it useful as well.

When I joined the military, I was 35 years old – the oldest one in my platoon (for most of it) but I was just a few months out from my last figure competition – so I was slim and fit. I wouldn’t say the physical aspects of basic training were easy, but they were easier than it would have been had I been the weight I am today. And though the annual physical test has changed since then, it is “easier” than the other – albeit, I still struggle. It’s at least functional movements. However, it’s been about 18 months since my last test (thanks covid!) and now with my upcoming Primary Leadership Qualification training, I do admit, I’m a little worried! So I’ve started to prepare for some of the things I know will be expected of me – namely the 7km ruck march. I’m starting to break my combat boots in – the ones I wore to Kuwait as my black boots SUCK! The brown ones are at least somewhat comfortable – though they still gave me a spectacular blister from our 2.4km walk the other day! I’m alternating the days to wear my weighted vest to add some extra weight. Eventually I’ll wear both.


And here is where I have a mental block; I want to lose weight. I am probably at least 70 lbs heavier than when I did basic training (which is actually typical for most women after they make it through basic!) but it would be nice to NOT be at the weight I am now when I go to my PLQ. I’ve already changed my diet and am eating animal products again as eating in the mess and/or field is challenging to begin with but being vegan, I would starve!

I’ve seen this dilemma with some of the people I follow on IG; if I identify as a plus sized model and anti-diet, am I a hypocrite if I want to lose weight?

Ultimately, NO!

Despite knowing that health can’t be measured by a person’s body shape, let’s be honest, there are some health issues that are more prevalent in overweight and obese people. I saw it with my dad; he had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes. When he lost weight, he was taken off all his medication – even when he went from taking insulin by pill to the shot, he still reversed his diabetes. Let’s not forget these issues can show up in anyone, this is not “picking on” people of a certain size – which I also fall under. Only a doctor can determine if you are healthy by way of a fluid sampling – whether urine or blood.

This is what is important to remember; this is YOUR life. YOU have to live it and suffer the consequences of your decisions. And if you’re plus sized with a significant following, some people may not like the fact that you lose weight – that you “gave in” to diet culture. Firstly, you will probably get hate comments when you’re overweight/obese, but, secondly, you will probably get hate comments for “selling out”. So if you’re in a lose-lose situation, doing what’s best for you is the obvious answer.

Lucky for me, I don’t have a following at all, so most people probably won’t really notice or care about the changes, but I see this dilemma with influencers I follow who have 100K+ followers.

We tend to care too much what others think. Why else do people use aps to alter their face and body? We need to stop living our lives for other people and start living for ourselves.

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