How many other people out there are feeling overwhelmed at the level of hustle out there? That they need to know where they’re going and how they’re going to get there? That if you’re not crushing your goals then you’re doing something wrong… but hustle for the sake of hustle is detrimental to your wellbeing – especially if it’s not aligned with what you want to achieve.
I made a confession to my husband the other day; I was feeling lost. Like my life had no direction. I wouldn’t say my life is meaningless or that I’m unhappy with my life. I’m just unfocused. Rudderless as my husband put it. I laughed as I prepared to make this confession to my husband as he’s gone through the exact same thing and has struggled with these exact same feelings.
Midlife crisis, maybe?
I guess because I’ve been busy over the last little while – the hustle – my vision has become muddy. Though in all actuality, the waters have been getting muddier over the last couple of years because, let’s face it, the last few years (for us, anyhow) have been rough. I’ve had moments of clarity and started down the correct path – only to be derailed along the way and as I’ve waited for the storm to pass, I’ve lost my way. And I’m sure we can all agree that this year has been exceptionally challenging!
Honestly, I’ve been derailed. Probably for a while. And here’s the thing; having that feeling of something being wrong with my life and my lack of direction has rubbed off on my relationship with my husband.
We had a conversation the other day – actually, it started the conversation of my confession of feeling lost. He asked if I felt that something was wrong with our relationship. Wrong? No. Missing? Yes. We both realized that we’re missing intimacy. Connection.
And here’s what I realized; I can’t effectively connect with my husband if I can’t effectively connect with myself. I’ve become completely focused on me and what’s missing from MY life that it’s negatively affecting OUR relationship. And I know this is what’s happening because I went through it a couple years ago when my husband was going through the whole “what’s my purpose?” phase of his life. I just didn’t see it. Once I admitted to how I’ve been feeling, it was so easy to see these other issues.
In a society where “success” is based on doing, it’s hard to slow down without feeling guilt but sometimes the fastest way to get ahead is to stop. Stop, evaluate, reevaluate, plan, then start moving. Stopping for a week or two – or a month – is far better than floundering along aimlessly for months or even years.
Yes, sometimes I feel the march of time far too keenly and I feel like I’m past my prime – that if I don’t get my butt in gear soon, I’ll be outstripped by people half my age. I often think “if I had access to these resources at their age, I’d be where they are now!” But that’s not true. I wouldn’t be where they are now because I wasn’t ready at that age for anything beyond hair, makeup, and clothing. I was overly consumed with how I looked while battling eating disorders and depression. Social media probably would have exasperated these problems.
Now, I have age, life experiences, a growth mindset, and knowledge on my side. Yes, I got derailed. And, yes, it WILL happen again because that’s just life! The important thing is that I was able to admit my feelings and my husband will work with me to get back on track. We’ve identified what’s wrong in the relationship, I’ve admitted my feelings, we have a plan to get us AND me back on track.
And I have no doubt we’ll succeed in all areas because we make an awesome team!