So, I happened to be participating in a conversation the other week and I felt compelled to write about it.
The conversation was around children. My friend from yoga has 2 or 3 children and she loves her children and can’t imagine life without them. I have only met one other woman with that opinion. Most every other woman I speak to who has children is envious of me, not having children. They always say “I love my children, but if I could do it again, I wouldn’t have children”. Every single woman who this come up with says this. Not even joking. Now, don’t get me wrong, I speak to a lot of women who do have children who don’t say this, but the conversation never goes in this direction so it never comes up.
However, I did have one client when I was Personal Training who loved being a mom, loved her children, and can’t imagine not being any other way. In fact, looked at me like I was an alien because I didn’t want children. Never have. And then she asked me a question that made my jaw hit the floor:
“Then why get married?”
Apparently, the only reason to get married is to procreate? The only function of the female body is to pop out babies? And any woman who doesn’t want children shouldn’t get married? What the actual fuck?! When I said this to the group of ladies having this conversation, their reaction was priceless and they said everything I was thinking when the comment was initially delivered to me. Even my friend who loves motherhood and her children couldn’t believe that was said to me.
I still find it amazing that people feel the need to voice their opinion about how I should live my life – whether to have children, what I eat or don’t eat, how I dress, what I say and feel. Honestly, though? I don’t give a rats ass on other people’s opinions.
When I was young, I never played with dolls or Barbie. I never wanted to bare children. If I wanted to have children, I would adopt – and I’ve always felt this way, from the time I was pre-teen. As far as I was concerned, there were enough children already in the world without a loving environment, I was fully capable of giving them love.
IF I wanted to have children.
I got married when I was 19 years old. We were going to have a big wedding in the summer, but as the time neared, we realized we wouldn’t have the money to have a big wedding, but we could afford a smaller wedding that we had the money for right then, so we bumped up the date from August to April. And do you know what was asked by almost every single person. Go ahead, do the math. I got, “Are you pregnant?”. Every single person. I made my husband promise that we wouldn’t have children for at least a year as I didn’t want people to think that’s why we were getting married.
23 years later, still no children.
For the first 15 years we were married, it was amazing and so incredibly frustrating the number of times we got “So, when are you having children?”
Um, let me think about that:
- When you carry the baby for me.
- When you pay for the expenses.
- When you come over at 3am when the baby is teething.
- When you miss work to stay home with a sick child.
- When you pay for daycare.
- When you pay for summer camp.
- When you pay for new clothing.
- When you pay for sporting activities.
- When you pay for university.
- When you have to deal with everything to do with baring and rearing a child.
My BFF went through something similar when her mother and grandmother commented that “they can’t wait for her to have a baby”.
YOUR BODY, YOUR RULES!!!
No one should press their selfish desires onto you – especially when it comes to what you do with and what you put in your body. If you’re happy and healthy (and not snorting coke or something destructive) then they should be happy for you and they should leave their opinions to themselves, end of story.
People seem to believe that voicing their opinion is a right – and to a certain degree it is. However, people nowadays hide behind a veil of anonymity of the computer screen and don’t weigh in their words – or they simply don’t care as there’s no accountability in what and how they say things.
Just remember; your body, your rules. No one has the right to say anything about it… but you know people always will. The hardest part is remembering this – especially when it comes from a loved one. Just because they’re a loved one or relative doesn’t give them a right.
YOUR LIFE, YOUR RULES!
YOUR BODY, YOUR RULES!!!!!