Your body, your rules.
Your house, your rules.
Your children, your rules.
YOUR LIFE, YOUR RULES!
You may think you know me, but you don’t. You know me by what I put out there. You know me by what I choose to tell you. You know me by the opinions you have made about me, correct or not. I would like to think I am fairly transparent about sharing my life with the world, knowing what is said out there on the WWW is never really gone. I do this to hopefully inspire others to live an authentic life – to openly show and embrace my “societal perceived faults”.
All those “arm-chair warriors” who provide criticism veiled as concern need to stop harassing anyone whom they think needs their advice – whether they know or don’t know the person. Unless that person is actually asking for help, those people watching from the outside looking in need to mind their own business. Getting comments like “You’re fat”, or “Eat less” ARE NOT PRODUCTIVE. Do you really believe that a fat person doesn’t think or know they’re fat? I can guarantee that they know they’re fat and they don’t give a flying fuck of your opinion. Do you really think they haven’t heard that – probably for most of their life? Do you really think they haven’t told themselves that – and worse? They need NO comment from you.
You know what? I’m fat. At around 210ish lbs (as I honestly don’t know as I don’t weigh myself) I AM FAT. Unless I was 7’ tall and 20% body fat, there’s no way – at 5’6” – I could not be fat. Yes, I’d like to lose weight, but I’m not going to hurt myself – physically or emotionally – for the perceived notion of needing to lose weight. In fact, I don’t even care if the number on the scale doesn’t move! I’m more focused on increasing my flexibility, or strength, or VO2max, or endurance, or energy levels, or sleep quality, or, or, or!
THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN CONSTANTLY FEELING THE NEED TO BE ON A DIET! There is more to accomplish in life than losing weight.
When it comes right down to it, I look pretty fucking good for being the weight I am. Most days I quite like how I look; I like the shape of my ass, the curve from the lower back to glutes, and the fact I have boobs! Yes, I know I’m fat, and according to BMI (which is full of crap, IMO) I’m obese. The ONLY reason I care about that number is because of our unknown family health history on my dad’s side – only that my dad suffered from weight related health issues and my dad and I are very similar in physiology.
Yes, I have my bad days and don’t like how I look – WHO DOESN’T?! Everyone has “off” days!
If you are sitting on the other side of the computer and feel the need to comment on someone’s physical appearance, turn that judgement inwards to find out what it is you’re missing from your life because that reaction, that negativity, is a reflection of yourself. Remember? They don’t need you to tell them that they are fat – they know this! They’re not blind! However, I challenge you to turn that judgement inside. Look at your own physical appearance or mental processes. What are those thoughts trying to tell you?
Oh, you feel real, genuine concern about someone’s weight? Bull shit. That concern is concealing something way more important: your feelings about you. If you say – or are thinking of saying something hurtful to someone else, the only thing that it’s doing is saying something about yourself… so what is it saying? Are you lacking compassion? Did you used to be overweight and are fearful that you may end back there? Are you overweight and turning that anger from yourself onto someone else? Are you so focused on physical appearance that being anything other than what society deems as worthy deserves to be put down? Do you really think that bullying someone about their weight will make them want to lose weight – because that’s how you treat yourself or how others have treated you?
Or maybe, seeing someone who is fat and accepting of that disturbs your opinion of what is an acceptable body? After all, HOW can someone be obese and be happy with themselves? Don’t they know, in order to be happy, you have to have a body that society has deemed worthy – and that typically means long blond hair, tiny waist, big boobs, round perky butt, straight white teeth, clear perfect skin, subtle makeup, stylish and just be all around dainty.
Guess what. I don’t have any of that. I never have and I likely never will. I have never been considered small and dainty; I take up space, either physically or outspokenly. I swear more than I probably should. I’ve never liked my skin, so I’m getting tattoos to make my skin beautiful in my eyes. I am not dainty – even when I was a child, my parents described me as “solid”. I may have been born a blonde, but I’d been coloring my hair red since I was about 15 as it matched my “fiery” personality – I stopped coloring my hair the January I turned 40 as I wanted to embrace my natural beauty – grey and all! Plus it was simply too expensive! I’ve had short hair much of the past 2 decades and my husband likes it short – and (most importantly) I like it short.
You know what? Life is/can be cruel enough without someone feigning concern and coming across as a douche. Your opinion of someone’s body is none of your gawd damn business. Your opinion of someone’s life is none of your gawd damn business. If you think it is, you need a real reality check. And this isn’t even about fat shaming! This is shaming behavior of ANY type! Thin shaming, fit shaming, body-of-any-shape shaming, gender shaming, orientation shaming, religion shaming. FOCUS ON YOUR OWN LIFE! Live your life in a way that inspires people! Be open minded, compassionate, show empathy, and foster an environment that allows open, constructive communication.
If you feel the need to comment on someone’s post/feed/image, make it positive. Encourage them. Sympathize with them. Lift them up with kindness – don’t drag them down with false sentiments and fake concern.
If you focus on negativity – no matter how you sugar coat it – your life will be negative and eventually you’ll wonder how you got so bitter.
Focus on making your life positive and it will spread into other areas.